Saturday, January 2, 2010

Exhaustion Leads to Quiet Reflection and Complete Honesty

Today, on one of the hardest solo training runs I've ever had, I reached the painful, yet beautiful point of clarity that only complete mental and physical fatigue leads to...

About 4 hours and 24 miles into my run I was torn down from the incessant climbing, the sheer mileage, and the erratic weather I'd been enduring. Even though I began running in the sun with temps in the upper 30's, for the last hour and a half I'd been trekking through a snowstorm at elevations around 8,000'.

This is when the solitude of the day and my physical condition allowed my mind to reflect on what I was doing with my life, what makes me happy, what doesn't, and what my goals are. Being a new year and having a 'clean slate' also influenced the subject matter.

What I thought about the most is that I'm not the same person I was even a couple years ago, and definitely not the person I imagined becoming, either. Let me explain. Even though I've had incredible experiences and have been blessed with amazing relationships in my life, I have been extremely selfish. Today I realized that I haven't treated the people that mean the most to me the way I want to be treated in return... deep down, it's like I've reverted back to being a selfish, spoiled little boy who demands his way all the time. If I keep up this course, all it's going to lead to is isloation and loneliness. Both my words and actions towards the people I care about the most have been pitiful, at best.

These sobering thoughts are what led me to my resolution for 2010:

I am going to be the most genuine, caring, and loving person to all my friends, aquaintances, and loved ones. I will bend over backwards to help others out, even if it's at my own expense. I am going to show the same qualities and sincerety that draw me to people...
When my days on this earth are done, I want to be remembered for the love I showed to others and the happiness I brought them, more so than any physical or material accomplishments I may have.

I apologize for the past and look optimistically towards the future. My friends are going to have the best version of me possible and hopefully I'll draw people to me, rather than alienate them.

Brooks - 1.2.10


brownie said...

Does this mean you're going to purposely lose to me at Leadville?

BLOS said...

Very touching and profound Brooks! I think we all should strive to be more like that!